The “Other” Kid

Also known as “One Reason Why Your Kid Needs Martial Arts, Part II”

Anyone remember the first article?

I made myself a note to write about the “other kid”. In case you didn’t catch the clip (go back and watch it!) closely enough, at the end of the altercation between the boy who body slammed the bully the other boys approached as if they were going to fight him. But something not many people noticed. A girl walked over and got between Casey Heynes and the approaching boy. She’s the “other” hero in the clip, but it appears no one noticed.

How many of us watch an injustice occur and do nothing? I doubt many of you have actually done nothing. The reason for this is that if you are reading this blog, you are a martial artist. We are not the kind of men and women who will do “nothing”, therefore we are the “other” guy in someone else’s altercation. In my entire life, I have only pulled a weapon on a few occasions and the first time I pulled a knife with the intention to use it was at the Baltimore Inner Harbor when I was with some students and a man was being beaten on the sidewalk. I wanted to walk away. (Yes, I was guilty of minding my own business) We didn’t know if those guys had a gun or not, and then getting involved with an altercation is scary stuff. But the young woman who was with him begged some passers-by to help, and I couldn’t do nothing. So I pulled my knife, and without a fight–the guys stopped. Thinking the knife did the trick when I turned to look at the guy, I saw that my students had run across the street behind me. Good work guys.

But what is it that makes people do nothing? Fear. And two things usually help you overcome fear–self-preservation, and fear of not doing anything. Often, for the untrained man, even those things will fail to empower him to fight back or assist, even when the person being hurt is himself or a loved one. Training then, helps you face that fear and do something. Lack of training intensifies your fear, and this is what makes victims and witnesses to victimization. I have broken up fights on several occasions when the fights are “fair” fights, that’s the easy part. The hard part has been to break up fights where they weren’t fair fights, and I regret to say that I have failed to do it more than I have gotten involved. This is a demon I fought against as a young man, and I have done it more lately than I did when I was in my prime. It is something to think about in your training–and in your own level of courage. One thing to fight when transgressed, but what if you encountered a stranger? And you know nothing about it? You don’t know if the man being beaten has done something to warrant his beating. You don’t know if the beating will result in the victim’s death. You don’t know if you will feel the torment of guilt if you don’t involve yourself and something worse happens.

Tell you what I’d done in recent years. I watched, and when the altercation looks like it had run long enough, and the combatants have had their fill. I step forward and assure the winner of the fight, “You got him, he’s had enough. Don’t go to jail over it.”  It works. You stop the fight from going on, you’ve reassured the winner that he’s accomplished what he set out to do, and you did it without being confrontational and was able to calm the guy down. Plus it gives you a chance to be nosy and find out what happened. But most of all, you know that you’ve stopped the beating from becoming fatal. Some may criticize this because it isn’t soon enough, but to each his own…

Back to my topic, few people will involve themselves in an altercation that is not close enough. The martial artist–excuse me, the warrior–should have one extra factor helping him overcome the fear (or “hesitation”, call it what you want), and that is duty. If we have the ability to stop a man from being hurt unnecessarily, we should act on it. Imagine how you would feel, as the witness to a fight or beating, doing nothing, and then discover that the man being beaten was a father who was just minding his own business and going to work? Well, a good friend of mine had this experience. His brother-in-law was beaten, but not robbed, by a group of thrill-seeking teens while walking home from work in Southern Maryland. He ran while being beaten and chased, and finally a woman blew her horn from her vehicle and the boys ran off. This man–in his 40s with a teenaged boy himself–is a good man. He is raising three young children and a teenaged step son, on two jobs so that his wife can stay home with the children. He had lost his home and had to swallow his pride to live with his mother-in-law. His second job was a weekend job at a fast food restaurant, where he was mistreated by his uneducated, immature and young manager–but he endured it to take care of his family. He is a gentle man who had never been in a fight in his life. His pride was hurt, and who knows what emotional or psychological issues he may suffer today as a result of the humiliation? Would you have done something to help? Of course, which of us wouldn’t? But when the altercation happened, no one knew this about him. All they see is a middle aged, pudgy man being chased and beaten by young punks, and no one helped.

Well, one guy did, but in my opinion–he helped himself.

While licking his wounds, he was approached by a witness offering to give a statement to the police. The man then handed him a card for his business, offering discount Tae Kwon Do lessons. Excuse me??

Yes, a martial artist saw it, and then did nothing but seize an opportunity to try and recruit a student. I’ll let you ponder on that one.

We must train ourselves and prepare ourselves to do what is right, even if the idea of fighting for someone else frightens us. What’s the use if we don’t use it? There is a saying about blessings: that often we are not blessed with gifts to be used by us, but to share with others. Perhaps we were led to the martial arts–not because we may become victims, but so that no one around us would become victims? Ponder over that one as well…

So, the girl in the video was the real hero, along with Casey Heynes. She was unlikely a martial artist. And she was a girl. Yet she still got between those bullies and the victim, as if to say, “no you won’t–not today.” Without a doubt, other children saw Casey Heynes being bullied. Sadly, the only two people who raised a finger to do something besides himself were two girls–his sister, and the little girl in the video.

Mrs. Mom, Mr. Dad–your child taking martial arts lessons keeps more than himself/herself safe. It gives your child the courage to protect his siblings and the other children around him. To act when most others won’t. Let your kid train with me–even for just one year–and he will never be a victim or the do-nothing-witness to a victim, again.

Thanks for visiting my blog. For your entertainment, I found this commercial on Youtube, that addresses school bullying. Hope you like it!

 

 

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One Reason Why Your Kid Needs Martial Arts

If you teach kids, I want you to save this article, print it, and read it until you have my bullet points memorize. Then I want you to watch the video at the end of this article and understand why I write what I write, and why you are so important to your community. Then after that, think of a way to add something similar to your school’s website.

By the way, I decided to put this article under the “Business” section of the blog, because this message will make a huge difference in your school’s bottom line–as well as it may give you some new purpose or mission in your martial art career’s life.

Bullying Can KILL Your Child

Whether your child is the victim or the prey, or just a bystander, bullying can get your kid killed.

Parents often don’t know that their children are being bullied or are bullying other children until it’s too late. Kids have come home with injuries they hide from their parents, but the psychological scars never heal. Grades plummet, their attendance suffers, their self-esteem drops to a horrible low, they contemplate suicide. Sometimes, your children never tell you because they are afraid that you will be disappointed in them. Your child might have even come home and hinted that they were being bullied and you failed to protect them. What do you tell them?

  • “Man up”
  • It’s just teasing.
  • They’re jealous of you. Ignore it.
  • Tell a teacher.
  • Stand up for yourself.
  • Sticks and stones may break your bones, but…

Do you know what all this means? It means, “I don’t know what to do, so it’s your problem.”

Perhaps you didn’t mean to send that message, but that’s the message they got. And the truth is, you probably don’t know what to do about it. But you’re not supposed to, Mr. Mom/Ms. Dad–that’s my area of expertise. The good news, however, is that you’re here. This is what we can do about it…

Kids have brought knives to school to deal with bullies. Children fantasize about killing their tormentors often, because to some children–this is the only way they believe it will stop. They are channeling their frustration and anger, and the adults apparently can’t or won’t stop them. Let the bullying continue until the victim acts out, by refusing to do schoolwork, or disobeying teachers and parents (the same ones who won’t help them)–and no one will care that the child is being bullied. Look at some of the school shootings, and you can see how the failure of teachers, school administrators and parents can explode into multiple lives ruined.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, you have the kids who just want out. They run away, they run into the arms of deviant adults who will pretend to care about them–or bad kids–or they run to alcohol and drugs to try and fit in. Worst of all, out of the 280,000 children that were attacked in American schools last year, thousands have committed suicide (also known as “bullycide”). There is no exact figure, because quite often, the kids don’t say why they do it.

One child losing his life to this behavior is too much.

I am not trying to say martial arts is the cure to this, but martial arts is the cure.

  • Martial arts will give kids a means to defend themselves. Maybe you can’t go into the school and wring that boy’s neck who is pushing your son, but your son can certainly push back himself. But he needs to feel confident that he can do it. I will teach him how, and give him the tools.
  • Fighting in school is often not fighting–a lot of it is self-defense. You wouldn’t go into a job without the proper training, why would you send your school into the jungles of school life to defend himself without the tools?
  • Many girls lose their virginity to boys who force themselves on them. Do you really want your daughter to not have a way to protect herself? Surely, you are not in such denial that you believe the police will protect your daughters 24 hours a day? Don’t fool yourself, please, at the expense of not wanting to spend $70 a month. Few girls will come home and say, “Mom, this cute boy at school is telling me every day he wants to have sex with me.” Especially when all the other kids are doing it (so they think). Martial arts helps kids stand alone with confidence, in whatever stance they happen to stand.
  • Kids are abducted, they are beaten, they are mentally bullied by their peers. You wouldn’t leave your cars unlocked outside, unattended, would you? Why send your kids into this horrible world unable to protect themselves?
  • Martial arts restores a kid’s self esteem, it gives them something to feel good about. It makes them stronger so they can excel at other sports. It helps them sleep better at night. It makes their bodies require less sleep to function. It allows them to relieve stress and focus better in school. It gives them friends with like interests that WON’T bully them. No other activity does this, not even Sunday school.
  • Martial arts combats obesity. Obesity causes your kids to have health problems. Such health problems as cholesterol, thyroid disorder, diabetes, heart problems. Diabetes is even deadlier than bullying. You know this. Do something about it!

Parents, you love your children. Protect them. Let us help. It’s so much more than belts and uniforms and trophies. Don’t wait until your child comes home with an injury or a bruised spirit before you decide to do something about it. Makes as much sense as buying car insurance AFTER an accident. Protect your child, and I can help.

Now, watch this video. Thanks for visiting my blog:

In case it doesn’t show up, here is the link:

UPDATE:  The original video I uploaded was missing so the one above was not what I originally posted. HERE is the video.